All of my life I’ve been made fun of for my weight. And, I’ve always taken it. It has always hurt my feelings, and often reduced me to tears. High school and the last year of middle school were nightmares. I had this one guy who would sit behind me and poke me in the side. I was often bullied, and tortured. I spent a lot of time crying, and feeling like I was worthless. I never fought back, and when I would tell the psychiatrist at school she would tell me that I misunderstood or was wrong. Needless to say I have horrible self-esteem, and self-worth.
Many doctors have talked to me about surgery. OR rather talked at me. No one would listen to my concerns or address them as anything valid. My weight was an issue and therefore nothing else about me mattered.
For the last couple of years I’ve had kids – mainly boys make fun of me. Pointing at me and laughing. I’ve had a little girl slap my stomach, laugh in my face and call me fat in the middle of a social gathering.
But, I’m not writing this blog to be emo or talk about all the people who wronged me or hurt me. I’m writing this blog to tell you about my journey.
But, recently there’s a change in me. All the things that I used to let those people do to me are still happening, but I’m not inclined to sit quietly and suffer. I don’t yell at them or berate them.
I’m not weak.
I’m not worthless.
And, yes it still hurts when I’m made fun of. But, I’m going to stop giving away my power and instead I’m taking it back. I stand up to myself against the rudeness and bullying. It’s shocking to me that even in these modern times that we blame the victim for calling bullies what they are. No matter if it’s a case of rudeness or straight out bullying it’s wrong.
I’ll admit one of the reasons I want to lose weight is because I’m tired of being made fun of. I’m tired of all the bratty little boys and catty little girls. I’m tired of the adult people who are so uncreative that the only insult they can hurl at me is about my weight. I want to be something else. I want it to stop. But, in the meantime I’m not going to let them get away with their cruelty. And, neither should you.
Keep the faith, and go onward my Leading Ladies and Gents.