Let’s play catch-up

 

 

 

I’ve had the surgery. I’m in week two of recovery, going toward my 3rd week.  I’m sorry that I’ve been absent but I haven’t felt up to posting anything or really the energy to pull words out of my head onto the page.

 

My surgery went well. It was pretty textbook, and my doctor was really awesome by providing drugs for my severe white coat syndrome. The anesthesiologist was less awesome. He wanted to talk smack to me about having to answer all his questions before he gave me something, and then wouldn’t stop repeating it instead of getting on with the show. I’m holding my freak out together dude, not deaf or dumb. I can hear you say something. I don’t need you to repeat it 4 times. Thankfully I’d healed enough for them to find an iv site after all the blood/needle botching that happened the Friday before. My savior nurse couldn’t be there but she made sure there was someone there who was good, and she got it with one go.

 

The day after they wanted me to get up and walk. But, I’m sensitive to drugs and pain. It didn’t go the way they wanted, and instead slept all day. So on day two I got the upper gi which everything was normal. And, that started my walking and water diet. Lol. To be honest it wasn’t until this last weekend that I got any appetite at all. I’ve just been drinking because I’m supposed to. When I say drinking I mean sipping. I graduated to protein shakes and clear liquid right after that. I am currently on that diet, and on the 25 I finally get to move to soft food.

 

So for the last 2, closing on 3 weeks I’ve been drinking nothing but clear liquids and protein shakes. And, I am tired of sweet. It’s not that I don’t like sweet. It’s just a lot of sweet. Everything is sweet. My other issue is gas. Everyone just says to walk, and maybe it helps but the pain is pretty intense. And, it’s after a single sip. So it’s not that I’m too full or that I’m sipping too much liquid. I take Gas X and maybe it helps a little but not much. However good news is that during the 3rd-4th week is when that should get better.

 

I’m so ready to eat something. So ready.

 

 

Keep the faith, and go onward my Leading Ladies and Gents.

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And, the final checkpoint…

A lot has happened in the last week. You’ll have to excuse me for being silent, but I’m here now. So I saw the dietitian, and it went really well. Much better than the first dietitian I saw who did nothing but shame me. Not just fat shame me, but everything about me. Even my sister who was there understood why I didn’t respond. Maybe some people respond to ‘tough love’ but I don’t. And, you can’t walk in and just assume that everyone you meet does. I rebel or it alerts my survival mechanisms and I get angry. Attacking me is not the way to get me to listen to what you have to say. But, this meeting didn’t go like that at all. She was friendly, she listened, and gave some good suggestions outside of the pamphlet. And, she even hugged me at the end and told me she was proud of me. That I was the first person that’s come to see her in the 6 months she’s been in this area that she’s proud of. It was really awesome that she also had bariatric surgery 20 years ago, so she’s been through it.

 

So some of the advice I got.

The day before the surgery I have to drink a strong laxative. She advised me to go to 711ce40d11cadec12ad54cec4a6b63a9Sonic get a route 44 limeade, buy the cherry flavored one, and then mix it together and drink it. She says that’s the best way to get the god awful medicine down.

 

Another suggestion was that after the surgery to get ice from sonic so I can have something to chew. The diet after surgery for 3 weeks is clear liquid + protein shakes.

 

I also had an appointment with my surgeon June 31st. I lost more weight, and I’m at 378 now. My final checkpoint was the dietitian, and Monday June 5th is the surgery. The 31st was a hard day for me. In the waiting room when I got there was one of my childhood nemeses. One of the girls who made fun of me, and made my life miserable by bullying me. One of the very same girls that hurt me so much by lying to the school counselor about how they were treating me. She wasn’t a good counselor because she blamed me the victim, and said it was all in my head. Even though I went home every day and cried. So that was how it started. Luckily the doctor gave me a script for my severe ptsd/white coat syndrome. But, I had to go to the hospital for pre-op. However they didn’t tell me that I needed assessment. Which means I got stuck by needles. A total of 7 times. Because, the first nurse was an idiot. The second just couldn’t get it. Also, when they called the ‘pick team’ they used the ultra sound after stabbed me with the needle. How does that make sense? Luckily my sister came with me and started getting someone who can do their job there. Needless to say I had a total breakdown. I cried, rocked back and forth and I really wanted to run away. I even said, “I don’t want to be at a hospital where the nurses can’t even get some blood.”

 

I know I’m a hard stick. My veins disappear when they take their finger off. But, they always want to go for my hands with is a no no. Patient rights mean that I have a right to say no to what nurses/hospital staff does to my body. You do too. Don’t let them dig with a needle. When you reach your stopping point stop them.

 

But, I stayed. I didn’t leave. And, finally we got someone who could get it done. Or at least mostly done. The veins she hit didn’t last long, and she ended up not getting the cbc. But, she worked it out that they can do that when I come in. But, most of this tests were for some stupid screening to find out if I have a blood clot. The blood test somehow said I was in the range at risk which means I had to have an Ultrasound on my legs. And, you know what they found…nothing. They took 8 vials of blood, and found nothing. I guess I should be grateful that they’re so thorough. But, it’s hard to feel that way when you’re covered in black, blue, and purple; freaking out about your surgery; freaking out about them not having any spots for the Iv, and no one bothered to tell you about the assessment that took seriously all day. We got to the surgeons at 11 and got home at 5 pm.

 

I’m ordering my purse today. And, I’m going to try and put some other goals/rewards on my page.

 

 

Keep the faith, and go onward my Leading Ladies and Gents.

Why surgery? Why now?

In the very small group of people that know about my upcoming surgery, and the journey I’m on. Most of the circle of people in the know were told by other people. It’s not that I’m embarrassed to say that I’m having surgery. It’s that I don’t want to deal with other people’s hang ups. Or their preconceived judgements. Even when I was younger I thought poorly of people who got the surgeries. I never said anything because I was raised with manners. f55bf837ac35307181db48e690e4a9c8But, in my heart I judged and it was not kind. It might have had more to deal with the person who got the procedure. And my dislike for them bled over to the surgery.

 

However I’ve gotten a lot of people asking me if I’m sure that I want to have surgery, which leads to me defending a choice that I’ve made for myself. It’s ironic that over my life I’ve had a lot of people suggest surgery, and I’ve always fought tooth and nail against the idea of it. The difference here is no one is forcing me.

 

The Reasons Why Now…..And Go.

  1. With the current administration Medicare may not pay for the surgery. Paying for it out of pocket isn’t at all within the limited restraints. The new American healthcare act will limit the money Medicare is able to spend on patients. That very limited amount of money will go immediately to pay for my medications and my general doctor.
  2. While I am obese I am healthy-obese. Meaning at this time I don’t have diabetes, high blood pressure or cardiac issues. I do have rather serious issues, but those big hitters are high on the mortality rate. See I have all of those on both sides of my family. I was born pre-doomed with the genetic flaw.
  3. I want to travel. I want to be able to travel. Do things. I don’t want to just feel so trapped in my body.
  4. I want to watch my nieces, and nephews get married. Grow up. Make mistakes. Succeed. I want to be there for them, and with them for as long as I can. I don’t have children and they’re as close to mine as I can get.
  5. I want to publish my book.
  6. I want to feel confident when I go outside instead of waiting for someone to emotionally attack me.
  7. I want to wear cute cloths. I want to wear all the things I see, ogle over, and then flip past. I want to feel beautiful. And, when people look at me I don’t want it to be with such disgust that I hate going out of the house.

 

I have so many reasons to live. And I’ve almost died so many times that do I really want to squander my chance to live?

 

 

Keep the faith, and go onward my Leading Ladies and Gents.